Squish
by Firebird88
Summary: Just a group of really stupid short ficlet type things I wrote, they're pretty funny, or I think so... READ THEM PLEASE!!!! Be kind rewind.. wiat! no! I meant review!!!
1. Story One

Being the bitter angry person Malfoy is he decided to finish his war with Harry Potter, the boy who lived to be a pain in his ass, and his little cronies. He devised an ingenious plan that could not fail. Or so he thought...  
  
Disclaimer: I own none of this! Absolutely nothing!!!! Got the point yet, because I can reitterate that I OWN NOTHING FROM HARRY POTTER!!!! That's all...  
  
SQUISH  
  
Draco starred straight ahead as he sat at his desk. He wasn't listening, even though it looked like it when he wrote things down every now and then.  
  
But really he was devising a plan.  
  
A big plan.  
  
A big evil plan.  
  
A plan like no other he had ever concocted because is was so big and evil. And it might actually work, not that the other plans weren't meant to work, they just didn't. And they weren't as cool. Which must have been why they didn't work. Because it couldn't be because they were completely stupid of course.  
  
It was the plan to end all plans...  
  
But anyway...  
  
If you could see his paper(which obviously you can't because it doesn't really exist) you would see scribles and diagrams randomly scattered across the page. They didn't make any sense, but that didn't count because if it made sense every one would know what this evil, big plan was, and that wouldn't be much fun would it?  
  
After class he left and went to his room, still plotting, planning, and evilly scheming. Finnally he finished, sort of... He still had to research to figure out how exactly he would pull this off but he would. Because the author would make bad things happen if he didn't.  
  
A few weeks later, after much researching and hard work... he went to attempt his evil genius big plan. He saw Harry Potter and his little fan club after potions one day. And the appropriate occasion for the plan arose. He concentrated very hard and magicly(of course) transformed into an elephant.  
  
He looked at them while he was all tall like and such, and he stomped over and looked down at Ron as he cowered in fear.   
Then he stepped on him.  
  
Yeah, just like that.  
  
He just stepped on him and squish went Ron.  
  
But unfortunately it did not end quite that simply. For, as Rons wand hit the floor a great blast of light and magic(of course) spewed out across the hall way.  
  
The light dissappeared and Draco, Harry, Ginny, Hermione, and other innocent people passing by seemed to have dissappeared with it.  
  
But they didn't.  
  
Oh no, because if they had my story would end now.  
  
Instead, they were all alot smaller,  
  
and longer  
  
and furrier  
  
and they were ferrets.  
  
Draco, was an evil, white, glarring, bouncing ferret.  
  
Harry was a black, angry, glarring, nonbouncing ferret.  
  
Hermione was almost the same but brown, and fluffier coming to think about it.  
  
Ginny was red, smaller and simmilar to Hermione and Harry.  
  
Every one else had become random bitter angry ferrets.  
  
Then, magicly(of course), Draco(for reasons unbeknownst to the others) became human again.  
  
Harry squeaked something that could only be taken to be understood as something like "Why is Draco human again?" but remember we're only guessing.  
  
"Because the author loves me best." Draco replied smugly. A hand appeared, that could only be assumed to belong to the author, came down and patted Draco on the head. Then he began to sing:  
"I've got a lovely bunch of ferrets,  
There they are all standing in a row.  
Big ones, Small ones, ones the -OWWW!!!  
What the hell was that for?!?!?!?!?!?!"  
  
Malfoy now had a ferret attached to his leg.  
  
Suddenly Filch appeared, got a cage and caged up the ferrets formerly known as Harry, Hermione, and Ginny. He carried them off and fed them to his cat.  
  
24 hours later every one changed back to normal, including Harry, Hermione, and Ginny(who ended up making the cat explode because they grew back to full size).  
  
They all lived miserably ever after, except for Draco, because he is the authors favorite, and the therapist who took all the other peoples cases, who made a fortune in therapy bills.  
  
Filch, however was the worst case,he never quite recovered because he forever "saw" his dead cat, Ms Norris, and he was taken away in a straight jacket for "mental leave" or so every one was told. 


	2. Story two

Harry woke up one day. Then Voldemort came and killed him, but he didn't really die, because if he had all the Harry Potter Stories would end. Then he saved the world, and went to bed, to rest for a busy day tomorrow.  
  
The End  
Now to the real story...  
It was friday of the first week of school back at Hogwarts, and Quiditch practice had begun. The griffindor team arrived and walked to get their brooms, but something odd was going on, because one of the brooms was missing, Freds to be exact. But that doesn't matter.  
  
"You probably just misplaced it," Harry said logically. And perfectly because he was the amazing boy who lived. And every one agreed with him, because the author said so.  
  
They had Fred borrow another broom and went along the practice as usual. But the next day, there was another broom dissappearance. This time it was a Ravenclaws broom. Then a Hufflepuffs and then griffindor. However, not at any point had a Slytherin's broom dissappeared, which made every one suspicious.  
  
Finnally, Dumbledore randomly, and unluckily for him, stumbled upon the answer to this plaguing mystery. The author had taken them, because she wanted the Slytherin team to win. Unfortunately for Dumbledore, the author had to kill him because he was just plain annoying. But before he died, Draco Malfoy found him. Dumbledore told him where the brooms went. To this Draco Malfoy shrugged.  
  
"I'm the authors favorite, don't you know." With that Dumbledore died of shock(had to kill him in a fun way) and Malfoy kicked him(yea!) and walked away, keeping the secret with him forever.  
  
But then Hermione stuck her nose in where it didn't belong, not only because the brooms were disappearing, because she really didn't care about that, but because Dumbledore died trying to find out where they went.  
  
She went to where Dumbledore was found dead from shock, and magicly(of course) managed to find out the answer to this, a most interesting dilema. But, most unfortunately for her, the author then had to kill her too. Suddenly, Harry Potter walked out from the shadows and killed her because he wanted to be the only one who knew the secret. But someone caught him on video tape and he was sent to Azkaban until the end of the world, or 35 years, whichever came first.  
  
Finnally the author got really bored and decided to end the story swiftly and simply. She turned all the remaining charecters into fluffy, bouncing ferrets. Except for Draco Malfoy, because  
  
"I'M THE AUTHOR'S FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Draco yelled out a window.  
  
"Yes, yes indeed you are," replied the author, "but you don't have to yell it because I hear all and know all."  
  
"Oh yeah? What am I thinking now?" Draco said smugly.  
  
The author paused for a moment then spoke, "You're thinking about Mr.Cuddles, your favorite little stuffed animal that you sleep with every night!" The author laughed from up above.  
  
Draco looked very embarassed for a moment before realizing two things:  
1. Every one was ferrets so they couldn't tease him mercilessly for it,  
  
And!!!  
  
2. That wasn't what he was thinking about.  
  
"Ha!" yelled Draco,"You were wrong!"  
  
"Yeah, but my answer was more fun! And it was the truth!" replied the author.  
  
With that the author declared the story tbc and left to go on a walk, enjoy some vanilla ice cream and listen to music. 


End file.
